thei | Accept no imitations | Privacy and Accessibility Statement

Welcome to the Help Section and the Privacy & Accessibility Statement for this site.
Have a nice day.

Privacy & Accessibility Statement

This is the official privacy and accessibility statement for If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to contact me.

Privacy | Access Keys | Standards Compliance | Images | Cookies | JavaScript | Cascading Style Sheets | Unicode | Acronyms | Dates & Times | Disclaimer & Copyright | Site Map

Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, they will never cease to be amused.

Privacy Information

This site, along with the majority of other sites around, automatically collects information about its visitors. This information may include your IP address, what user agent (browser) you are using, the resources on this site that you have accessed and the time and date of that access. Referrer information detailing what site, if any, brought you here may also be collected. Your IP is usually personally traceable back to you. By accessing any part of this site you agree that I may use this information, at my discretion, for any purpose whatsoever; appropriate privacy legislation withstanding.

This site allows users to leave short comments. You are required to state a name when leaving a comment, but you may use any inoffensive alias, whether it is your real name or not. When leaving a comment on this site you agree: that all comments become the property of myself, to do with as I see fit; to forfeit any claim of ownership or intellectual rights over your comment; that I may, at my discretion, edit, remove, paraphrase or otherwise alter said comment; and that the comment and the name you entered may be publicly viewable by anyone.

This site contains a contact form, which allows anyone to email me. Any email will be treated as confidential to the extent allowed by the law, however I reserve the right to publish or otherwise disseminate any site-related correspondence or part thereof either on this site or elsewhere, unless otherwise prohibited.

Borrow money from pessimists- they don’t expect to get it back.

Access Keys

Most browsers support a method of jumping to specific links by pressing a combination of keys as defined by the web site. On Windows™, you can press ALT and an access key, on Macintosh™ you can press CONTROL and an access key.

This site supports the following access keys on each page (as applicable):

I envy people who drink – at least they know what to blame everything on.

Standards Compliance

All pages on this site are validated against the XHTML 1.1 standard, and the CSS used to style the pages validated as CSS 2.0. In addition, care has been taken to ensure the pages of this site meet all Priority 1 and Priority 2 checkpoints defined in the W3C Web Content Accessibility Guidelines 1.0, where applicable. This means that these pages should be accessible to anyone who uses a user agent capable of supporting the current web standards for viewing web pages.

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

Section 508

I believe all pages on this site comply with the Section 508 guidelines published by the U.S. Federal Government. These guidelines are subjective and rely on personal judgement; however I have reviewed the guidelines and believe this site is in compliance.

God must love stupid people, he made so many.


This site contains many images, with some sections being entirely devoted to the displaying of images. All images make use of the alt attribute to provide a short description, however, people unable or unwilling to view images will likely want to skip the sections of this site devoted to imagery.

In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

Sessions, Cookies and Hotlink Prevention

This site uses a session-based approach to prevent people from linking directly to files such as images, and bypassing the page in which they should be displayed. Unfortunately, due to the technologies involved, this will only work if your browser supports and accepts session cookies. If your browser does not support, or is not accepting, session cookies from this site, you will not be able to view media such as images. You should enable session cookies for this site, or get a browser that supports session cookies.

Cookies have received some bad press, and have come to be regarded by some as a privacy concern. This is generally an untrue and paranoid view – however, should you be one of the paranoid few who block cookies, I assure you that this site does not store any personally identifiable data in any cookies. Feel free to find and examine the cookie for yourself. It will contain only a session ID, used by this site to determine whether you are a valid user of this site, or someone who has attempted to access media from this site without first visiting this site.

The doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his client to plant vines.


The contact page makes use of JavaScript to cloak my email address to prevent the automated collection of email addresses. If your browser does not support JavaScript or you have JavaScript disabled, you will not be able to contact me. JavaScript is also used aesthetically to provide certain features such as the pop-up copyright page, but these will work equally well, albeit less pleasantly, should JavaScript be disabled or unavailable.

Users with JavaScript disabled, or without JavaScript support will see a link to a “JavaScript Required” page.

I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I’m perfect.

Cascading Style Sheets

This site uses cascading style sheets for visual layout. If your browser does not support CSS, the contents of the site are still readable. Certain earlier versions of Netscape Navigator attempt to support CSS but fail dismally, and this site will not be viewable in these browsers. Any user still using such a version is urged to upgrade to a newer version of browser immediately. No attempt has been made to ensure compatibility with these versions of Netscape Navigator as I believe they should no longer be used by anybody anywhere.

Users with CSS disabled or without CSS support will see a link to a “CSS Required” page.

They say if you play a Microsoft CD backwards you hear satanic messages. That’s nothing, if you play it forwards it installs Windows.


This site is transmitted as Unicode (utf-8). This is the most comprehensive and universally supported character set. Certain characters may not display correctly if your user agent does not support utf-8 encoded text.

“I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio” — Rodney Dangerfield


Acronyms used throughout this site should contain a descriptive acronym tag, providing the expanded form of the acronym.

One day I will get this peer guy and reset his connection.

Dates and Times

All dates use the logical DD-MM-CCYY (day-month-year) format, and not the backwards American style. 01-03-2001 would be the first of March, and not the third of January. All dates and times are given in GMT or UTC time. 12:00 noon is taken as 12 PM and 00:00 or 12:00 midnight is taken as 12 AM, however an unambiguous 24-hour version of the time is always provided with any 12-hour times to avoid confusion.

“If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?”

Disclaimer & Copyright

Please read the disclaimer and copyright information before viewing this site.

Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible.

Site Map

Further information about the layout of this site and the location of its pages, including a search function, may be found from the site map.

This information is current as of January 2006 and valid until stated otherwise.

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Be amused or read my journal

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